Sugar Junkies

Yesterday I recorded the English language voice-over for two Vietnamese feature films at the studios of a Ha Noi company called Thang Long Audio Visual. In my experience Thang Long always does things on a much-too-short time line. Here how the process works:

1. Thang Long receives a film from the client.
2. Somebody Vietnamese watches the film and writes down each line of Vietnamese dialog.
3. A Vietnamese translator with a minimal knowledge of English translates each line into a parody of English. I suspect that the Vietnamese may be run through an automated Viet-English translation program or else the translation is accomplished by translating word-by-word using a Viet-English dictionary.
4. I'm given an e-version of the translated script the day before the English-language version is to be delivered to the client, with the hope that I'll fix up any rough spots in the translation. (I did this a few times. To do a decent job requires 10-20 minutes per page. The typical script runs 40-50 pages. For this editing phase T-L pays $18. I no longer bother editing scripts. T-L doesn't care. They're happy to save the $18.)
5. On the last possible day, somebody prints out a hard copy of the script and pushes it and me into a tiny recording booth where I'm plonked down in front of a microphone to read the (unedited) script aloud while watching the film on a monitor for the first and only time.
6. A Vietnamese producer and a Vietnamese sound engineer with maybe 20 words of English between them do their best to keep my reading synched with the action.

Here are some examples of the 'dialog' I recorded yesterday for a Vietnamese comedy about diabetics whose title in Vietnamese was probably something like "Sugar Junkies," but which was rendered by the translator as "People in Thirst for Sweet":

· Damn it, I can not find him when he's in need
· What a bad thing it is

· Alcohol is my best friend
· How good you say so...look at your rash face peeling off lots of scrab, alcohol will burn your liver as well

· It doesn't worth much
· That's not quite exactly

· Are you killing him? Diabetics would die if taking this kind of juice. Take it away.

· You can not ignore it, regardless your sweet thirsty, you're surely diseased.

· You should change your character to be at ease, you should not angry when being serous diseased.

· Anything poisonous and being in wine burial will take much effect by its contrary use, understand?

· Your pulse gets stuck, outside pulses ruined by hot liver, but it doesn't matter, will be ok.

· I'm dead already, but please don't tell my wife, I have to conceal my wife to treat it.

· I don't talk about electricity, don't misunderstand my opinion. Where is Phan? He's gone for his own business?

· It is not late now but in the long term I can be.

· I think if you drink again, it will be sometimes better, the job is done well, not as present.

· Does your car have something wrong that you have to mortify your body like this?
· I'm training the health exercise.

· Such a greedy, drunk, and oversexed he is!

· Anything happens, please tell us, don't abuse indirectly.

· Some days ago I saw him bring here many tennis tools.

The challenges of this job are manifold:

· read each line of dialog with feeling and expression as if it actually meant something
· resist guffawing
· resist thinking about the perplexed passengers trying to decipher this excruciating nonsense during their Vietnam Airlines flight from Ha Noi to Singapore